Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I wish there were birth control emojis
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize