the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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