8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just googled if crying burns calories
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
