Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
