I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
