Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize