Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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