Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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