i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
