i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
