The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize