i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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