You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize