And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Shame is for Republicans.
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