There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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