Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
