you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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