Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
