dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
zippers are such a cool invention
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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