Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
