My cat gives me a boner
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
