When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
