the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
