Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
