imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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