guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Someone shit on the floor
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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