I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You need a sexual gate keeper
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
