Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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