We're facebook friends in real life
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
