You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The air was thick with penises
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
