I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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