as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
