i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize