the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
