dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
