Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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