i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
how drunk are you?
Several
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
