so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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