i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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