Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
