i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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