the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
