Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
