Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
