Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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