your parents love me but you hate me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
