he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
