Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
