i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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