Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
splinters make it hard to masturbate
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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