Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
