i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
