i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
