I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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