omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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