he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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