i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
