you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize