well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You are a genius and a whore.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
