talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
