Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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