all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
