her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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