I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
