FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
