So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
