Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
