if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize