Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
