I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
