i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
