I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's never too late to be topless.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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