frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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