You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You need a sexual gate keeper
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize