You can't special order awesome
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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