it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
