Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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