You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
