I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
