also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
