I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize