Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
