Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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