My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
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