so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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