If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
