3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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