Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
