So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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