He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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